How To Stop Doing Your Makeup Like A Basic Bitch

How To Stop Doing Your Makeup Like A Basic Bitch

Shopping for makeup is hard. Walking into Sephora can be flat-out terrifying (and not only for your wallet!). With so much selection and variety to choose from, it’s hard to figure out what exactly to buy. I hate to sound like a guy, but sometimes I wonder how the hell I’m supposed to distinguish this nude lipstick from the other million currently on the market. You may think that the only saving grace is the girls who work at Sephora, or wherever you buy makeup, and YouTube beauty influencers.

However, it’s easy to fall into the rut of buying all of the “cult favorite” products. Sure, they work, and everyone loves them. But, if you spill open your makeup bag to reveal a pink Beauty Blender, an Anastasia Beverly Hills highlighter palette, Nars Orgasm Blush, and Tarte Shape Tape Concealer, congratulations: it looks like the exact same bag owned by every other basic bitch out there.

It’s easy to just take advice from anyone in a Sephora apron, or with over 100k followers on Instagram. However, sometimes it’s easy to look out into the great, big, wide world of makeup and wonder if there’s something out there that isn’t owned by approximately every other one of your sorority sisters. Just once, it would be cool if you were the one who was able to recommend a new product to someone else, or rave about a brand that that every other basic bitch hasn’t already heard of and bought too much from.

Here are seven brands that won’t ever have you asking “is this your tube of lipstick, or mine?” again.

1. Jouer Cosmetics

Find your perfect summer shade in our new High Pigment Lip Glosses @hashtagfablife

A post shared by Jouer Cosmetics (@jouercosmetics) on

Using this brand gives you the perfect excuse to pull out the accent you haven’t attempted to use since your high school French class, barring the time you recreated Passport to Paris with your friends. With this brand’s simplistic packaging, fancy names and rich formula, you’ll have a certain je ne sais quoi about you that will totally give you the confidence to side eye anything that comes from the drugstore… at least until you run out of money for the month.

2. Unicorn Lashes

Before I begin, yes, I along with every other sane person on the planet, have declared my hatred for the unicorn craze. However, aside from the crazy packaging, these lashes themselves have nothing to do with fake horses. With these babies, you’ll avoid looking like every other basic bitch who picked up her lashes at the same store she was buying diet coke from to mix with her vodka. I can’t stress enough that there’s nothing cute about wearing lashes found in the Halloween section the other 364 days a year.

3. Huda Beauty

Our #hudabeauty3dhighlight palettes are available now on @sephora

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Embarrassing, but true, story: when I was in high school, I so desperately wanted to be seen as unique and stylish that whenever anyone asked me where I got my clothing, I would lie through my teeth and respond back “Europe” or “it’s vintage.” Pretentious AF, I know. But highly impressionable, highly insecure, high school me felt pretty damn cool. Whenever anyone asks you where your blinding highlight or liquid lipstick came from, with this brand, you can now actually be cool and respond “Dubai” and it won’t be a lie. Look at you, you cultured girl (who totally doesn’t pair boxed wine with leftover pizza).

4. Makeup Geek

There’s nothing a guy likes more than a geek… right? Sure, you might not be wearing a schoolgirl skirt with nerd glasses while playing his dumb video games, but with these adorable eyeshadows, you can still claim that you’re suuuuuuch a geek about something. You may never be as cute as the girl who claims that she’s suuuuuuuch a geek about superhero (even though the only Avenger she can name is “the one Robert Downey Jr. plays”), but you can still claim an authentic geek status about something.

5. Violet Voss

HG Palette #swatches by @makeupbypoohbear Get the cult fave today

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Ever like to pretend that you’re actually a famous beauty YouTuber? You catch yourself “giving a tutorial” (aka, talking to yourself) while putting on your morning look, and have debated tagging the makeup that you’re wearing in your Instagram selfies. Just me? Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re never going to get the attention that you deserve by wearing strictly Sephora’s “Best Selling” products. Violet Voss is the perfect brand to make you feel a bit better about your plan to “just become famous” after graduation.

6. Jeffree Star Cosmetics

There’s no denying that Jeffree Star is a MF QUEEN. Seriously, he lives in a princess pink mansion, has a hot boy-toy, strictly wears Gucci, and casually destroys $5500 purses because he has nothing else to do that day. On top of it all, he owns a makeup brand that’s beloved by fans not only for its great formulas, but for its Barbie pink packaging.

7. Storybook Cosmetics

Fake nerd or real nerd, you have to appreciate how cool these products are. A palette inspired by Harry Potter, and brushes that look like roses and wands that will have your man so interested in the magical things that you’re using to transform your face, that he won’t even think about complaining on how long it’s taking you to get ready.

Image via Shutterstock

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Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at [email protected] Watch the bitch behind these stories at:

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