There are many different types of relationships, particularly in college. These range from fuckbuddies to marriage, and everything in between. Unfortunately, we don’t always get our first choice when it comes to our labels. Sometimes we can climb that ladder and walk down the aisle. Sometimes we’re stuck at the bottom, stalking him on Instagram and cursing every other girl he’s with. College, man. Shit’s weird.
1. Friendzone
Is there anything more annoying than hearing yet another “nice guy” complaining that he’s been friendzoned? Guys think that just because they do nice things and buy us cute gifts that they are suddenly entitled to tapping that ass. Sure maybe a lady has opened her legs to one or two (read: an entire fraternity) guys, but that does NOT mean she’ll give it up to just anyone. Keep giving those presents though, who knows, maybe it will work. It won’t.
2. Fuckbuddies
Unfortunately, this is one of the more common places for us. Much like guys receive the “friendzone”, girls often receive the “fuckzone.” Meaning that they are attracted to us, but do not consider us anything more than a sex object. Many girls pretend they’re okay with the arrangement, hell maybe some even are. But understand what this title really means: you’re not friends, you only have sex.
3. Friends With Benefits
This is where I personally thrive. A FWB situation is when you are actually friends with a guy, but you ALSO have sex. Ideally, friends with benefits come with zero commitment in terms of dating, but all the commitments of a friendship. If you need someone to cuddle with because you’re lonely this is not the guy to call. However, if you need someone to hang out with and study (drink), he’s an option. While hanging out should not always lead to an expectation of sex, it is always an option. Which is my idea of a utopian society.
4. Talking
This is that pre-dating bullshit we all, unfortunately, need to put up with. You just started hooking up and are now feeling each other out. Chances are you have already caught feelings, but he’s still on the rocks. He took you on a few casual dates and things are 100 percent up in the air. While you might have a “good feeling,” there’s always the possibility of him ghosting you or things just falling flat. And that sucks. On the other hand, this is (for some reason) a necessary step to becoming #taken.
5. Exclusive
The next stop of the bullshit “dating” route. He has decided he does like you, but isn’t quite sold on the whole “commitment” thing yet. You are almost guaranteed to stay in this limbo hell for wayyyyyy longer than necessary. Why? Because this is the optimal stage for guys. He gets all the benefits of a girlfriend, with none of the downfall. And the worst part? There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Nothing. He was talking to that other girl? Well technically he’s not your boyfriend. He ditched you for a guy’s night out? Sucks to suck, he’s not your boyfriend. You try to stay cool, but ultimately you will give him an ultimatum. Whoops.
6. Dating
You have a boyfriend and are therefore the envy of all of your friends. He calls you “babe” not because he cannot remember your name, but because you have achieved that label. You go on dates, but mainly that includes staying in and watching Netflix. But whatever. You’re happy, and that is all that matters. He’s your other half, your main man. But mostly, you know that you’re his only. And you make sure every other girl knows it.
7. Exes
Being someone’s ex in college is a strange thing. In the “real” world, you can peace out of their lives and probably never see them again. In college, you’ll probably see them Wednesday in class or that night at the bar. You literally cannot escape them. Sure the mature thing to do is be civil, but that’s for mature people, and has no place in the fairytale lands we live in. So you avoid them (or aggressively stalk them, I don’t judge). Regardless of which route you choose, however, you WILL run into them. When you do you will either cry, scream at them, or jump their bones. Or all three. Good luck..
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Blue-eyed-blondie
Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.
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