Telling your big you have daddy issues because she refuses to date just one guy at a time. TSM.

Having more memories in the bar bathroom than in the bar. TSM.

Do I want to give you a blow job? No. Will I? Still no. TSTC.

“Is it weird I sort of pride myself on how crazy I am?” TSTC.

The Real House Moms of Greek Row. TSM.

Anything you can do, I can pay someone to do better. TSM.

I craft, because I care. TSM.

Strategically placing emojis in your snaps. TSM.

Queen of the Jungle Juice. TSM.

Trusting your blackout self to do the things your sober self won’t. TSM.