“The longest relationship I’ve been in is with this bottle of wine.” TSM.

Getting a separate monogrammed necklace to match the name on your fake ID. TSM.

She wouldn’t even look good with a tan and a filter. TSM.

“I have to do my makeup before we study.” TSM.

Putting “Perfect hair” under the skills of your resume. TSM.

“I have to stare at myself a lot. It’s part of my getting ready process.” TSM.