Getting up earlier for a philanthropy than you ever would for class. TSM.

Having a secret handshake with your favorite bouncer. TSM.

Marry for money. Love will come later. TSM.

Having an ever-growing collection of single earrings you refuse to get rid of. TSM.

Stalking your little back to the day she joined Facebook. TSTC.

Having to start every party story with “I don’t actually remember any of this, but apparently…” TSM.

Sitting pretty in suntan city. TSM.

Knowing it’s getting serious when you’re upgraded from shacker shirt to shacker sweatshirt. TSM.

“Whatever. She only gets 25 likes on her Insta posts.” TSM.

I totally want the (Ph)D. TSM.