Dog tags are the military’s lavalieres. TSM.

Never lifting a finger, but carrying two Starbucks and a half gallon of vodka up four flights of stairs with ease. TSM.

Your costume box being bigger in college than it was in kindergarten. TSM.

Even when we’re not having fun, we’re still having more fun than you. TSM.

Spending your book money on wine. TSM.

“I’m over it,” either meaning “I’m not even a little bit over it” or “You’re dead to me” with no in between. TSM.

Remembering to grab your charter even when the house catches on fire. TSM.

Assuming it’s a compliment when people compare you to Barbie. TSM.

Skipping your first day of class. TSM.

Looking good in your mugshot. TSTC.