Drunk enough to make wildly embarrassing decisions. Not drunk enough to forget them. TSM.

Blacking out is God’s way of saying, “Don’t worry about it.” TSM.

Controlling his zipper and his wallet. TSM.

Looking up the projected income of your new boy’s major before taking it too far. TSM.

Actually, yeah, I do agree. I think I’m really pretty. TSM.

Dressing like you’re in a sorority. Drinking like you’re in a fraternity. TSM.

The best thing about college is being able to skip class whenever you want. That’s also the worst thing about college. TSM.

The amount of glitter in my bed would make you think I’d fucked the tooth fairy. TSM.

I like my coffee as black as my heart. TSM.

Being more prepared for spring break in one month, than you are for the classes you have tomorrow. TSM.