Okay geed, you may think I “bought” my friends but at least I don’t have to take photos of myself in the bathroom just so there’s pictures of me on Facebook. TSM.

Knowing that a sarcastic tone and the word “classy” is the most effective insult. TSM.

You had me at “Law School”. TSM.

There’s a T-shirt for that. TSM.

Adopting an underprivileged teenager and having him become an NFL star. TSM.

I’m conservative everywhere except the bedroom. TSM.

Never taken offense to the phrase “make me a sandwich.” I make a damn good sandwich. TSM.

On gamedays, I shotgun Nattys in $300 Lilly dresses and my grandmother’s pearls. TSM.