I need a white wine emoji almost as badly as I need a white wine. TSM.

I’ve never met a man I couldn’t find on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. TSM.

It’s only a walk of shame if he’s bottom tier. TSM.

Asking your sisters for sexting advice. TSTC.

Being the new girlfriend’s least favorite ex-girlfriend. TSTC.

Having your own parking spot at your favorite fraternity. TSM.

Having a costume section in your closet. TSM.

“I don’t drink beer.” TSM.

Considering your military hookup to be a contribution to America. TSM.