The kind of people who blame victims / survivors exist everywhere in the world. Faith has nothing to do with it. It’s simply that religion, like politics and everything else under the sun, can be used as a tool— and tools are as bad or good as the person using them.
You’ll have those kinds of people in religious schools, and you’ll have those kinds of people in non-religious schools. :/
I’ve personally seen and experienced both sides of the coin.
whoops– I think that should have been would*
It’s a broad assumption to say that there aren’t ‘party’ and / or non-religion-oriented schools that would also blame the victim / survivor, just in other ways.
also yes, I know the friendzone was originally a term used when girls took advantage of a guy’s affections for them with no attention of returning the affections. ( ie, letting him buy them meals, etc. )
and I agree, that’s a terrible thing to do.
but people have been using the term way out of context lately and getting hyper-accusatory.
I can’t tell you how many ridiculous attacks I’ve received lately for ‘friend-zoning’ a good guy friend of mine.
1) He’s an incredibly good friend of mine, he means a lot to me, and I consider him to be a really great guy.
2) Despite what a great guy he is, we have other personality traits that clash with each-other, and I know that in the end, we’d either break up or live miserable. I’m not willing to lead his emotions more deeply into that situation.
3) For the longest time, I didn’t even know he was seriously interested in me, because he PURPOSEFULLY talked to me on a regular basis about one of my female friends and led me to believe he was seriously interested in her.
4) After realizing his intentions and expressing very clearly to him how I felt ( or didn’t feel ) and why, he informed me that he understood and respected this and still wanted to be friends.
5) Despite indicating that he had understood and accepted, and genuinely just wanted to be friends, he continued to try to ‘win me over’, trying to buy me meals, etc.
6) He has spent less than $10 on me throughout our entire time knowing each-other. I tried desperately to talk him out of what little he did spend on me, and I outright refuse to let him spend a single dime on me ever again.
7) I feel guilty letting my boyfriend who I am in a very serious relationship with spend money on me— forget letting a guyfriend do likewise.
I never allow guyfriends to spend money on me for this very reason.
I don’t want them or anyone-else to think that I’m taking advantage of them, and I certainly don’t want them to think I owe them anything more than an equal amount of occasional ‘oh here let me pay this time’.
Plus, I’ve never been able to convince a guyfriend to let me pay for his meal, snack, drink, whatever.
and I understand if you were really serious and it’s hard for you to continue being just friends, but be honest about it.
It’s hurtful and confusing ( to say the least ) when you say that you’re okay with being just friends, but then proceed to keep trying to ‘win the girl over’, or try to make her feel like she owes you something, or suddenly just cut off communication all together.
and if you just wanted to get in her pants…. well then what are you so sore over? She likely doesn’t want a casual hook-up, just go find someone who does. They’re are enough girls who enjoy casual hook-ups that you should be able to find one without beating around the bush. ( no pun intended. )
This is excellent.
I feel terrible about the ‘friend zone’….. but hears the thing…..
Being a genuinely nice guy interested in a genuinely nice girl doesn’t automatically make you two compatible.
I know you’re a great guy, and no, I’m not trying to be mean…
but there are so many other additional things that could be horribly and catastrophically out of sync with us.
If anything, your genuinely nice nature makes me value you and your friendship all the more, and makes me all the more unwilling to take the risk of a relationship that I already know is a bad idea due to other factors besides your niceness. For one thing, I might ruin our friendship….. but even more importantly, nice guys usually have pretty deep emotions that can lead to serious hurt for them when things go wrong.
So yes, if ‘friend zoning you’ because I don’t want to lead you into a relationship that I know is likely a bad idea makes me a bad person, then I guess I’m a bad person.
Sorry, I mean that in the most loving way possible, I swear…..
but I mean really, you don’t. and we don’t. and that’s just a fact.
You don’t want to do it because ‘it doesn’t taste good’, and we’re not doing it ‘because it tastes good’. We’re doing it because you enjoy it. Most of us just don’t mention the taste or smell because unless it’s abnormally bad / unhygienic, it would be rude to complain about something that you have no control over. Considering where it’s located and all its various uses and the fact that it’s human flesh and bodily fluids, what do you expect?
Actually did get mono from my best friend for that very reason. I’m not sure why that has negative points.
But in the end you wouldn’t give up the mono and awkward misunderstandings, because the friendship is totally worth it.
16. It’s rude of you to expect her to give you oral with a smile and then complain and whimp out when it comes to doing the same for her.
For those of you who disagree: I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you don’t smell like flowers and taste like sugar, either.
Well, scratch that– every once in a blue moon you might, but it’s pretty darn unlikely— just as pretty darn unlikely as it is that we would.
I think it’s a rather broad assumption to say that all these schools would have that reaction or that there aren’t ‘party’ schools and / or non-religion-oriented schools that wouldn’t also blame the victim / survivor in other ways……
but I agree that this is terrible, and that’s an understatement. :/
But really, it is an insanely good point— why do men so rarely feel like this?
Why do the majority of them rarely feel the need or desire to do all this crazy stuff to themselves for a woman?
And for that matter, I can’t say as I personally know any women who would expect or desire such from a man…..
And what about the photoshop?
The airbrush?
The fake bits as demonstrated in the photo at the top of this post?
So many men and women don't realize that this ideal image set for us of women DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.
NOT EVEN THE MODELS IN THOSE PHOTOS TRULY LOOK LIKE THAT.
And the ones you see in 'real' life? Fake add-ons, surgeries, implants, clothing that covers up all the bits of them that look like a living skeleton.
But we see that and we don't realize how unrealistic, even impossible, and certainly almost always unnatural, it is. Men grow up seeing that featured as what's attractive in a woman. They don't understand when you don't look like that. They accept you for you, but deep down in their fantasies it's the huge breasts that magically support themselves and the tiny bodies that so rarely accompany said large breasts….
and then there's the 'joys' a woman with such breasts experiences that men so rarely understand– all the backaches, hard-to-fit clothing, etc. etc.
It's miserable.
{ and then, you know…. there's periods, loss of virginity, child-carrying, childbirth, and all those other fun painful ( and admittedly inconveniencing even if we consider it worth it ) experiences we have. }
THANK-YOU for this. <3
{ also, please feel free to tailor this to the suitable genders and sexualities that you prefer, I support them all and I don't mean to be intolerant, I'm just sortof sleepy as hell right now and I'm bad enough with words as it is. }
Because the only way for me to get a well-rounded experience is if I get drunk and / or high off my ***, right?
With any and all due respect, that seems to be what you’re implying.
Or do you mean just a little alcohol and social experience?
–because I’m pretty sure that what elfin was referring to was hardcore parties where people are wandering around being loud and obnoxious or knocking themselves out.
Everything is grand in moderation. But if you go overboard, it will either harm you or your piers who can’t focus as apparently well as you can.
If you’re gifted enough to be able to ignore the insane parties going on all around you, or even participate in them on a regular basis and still somehow miraculously get an insanely high GPA, ( I dunno, maybe you’e a super genius ), then that’s great for you. But most people can’t balance both HARDCORE partying and good grades— whether it be because they’re participating in the partying, or simply just find it too distracting or disturbing.
This is so adorable! It makes me sad to think that I will never get to relive these days.
The kind of people who blame victims / survivors exist everywhere in the world. Faith has nothing to do with it. It’s simply that religion, like politics and everything else under the sun, can be used as a tool— and tools are as bad or good as the person using them.
You’ll have those kinds of people in religious schools, and you’ll have those kinds of people in non-religious schools. :/
I’ve personally seen and experienced both sides of the coin.
whoops– I think that should have been would*
It’s a broad assumption to say that there aren’t ‘party’ and / or non-religion-oriented schools that would also blame the victim / survivor, just in other ways.
intention*
Ughh.
here’s*
Ohhh, I need sleep.
also yes, I know the friendzone was originally a term used when girls took advantage of a guy’s affections for them with no attention of returning the affections. ( ie, letting him buy them meals, etc. )
and I agree, that’s a terrible thing to do.
but people have been using the term way out of context lately and getting hyper-accusatory.
I can’t tell you how many ridiculous attacks I’ve received lately for ‘friend-zoning’ a good guy friend of mine.
1) He’s an incredibly good friend of mine, he means a lot to me, and I consider him to be a really great guy.
2) Despite what a great guy he is, we have other personality traits that clash with each-other, and I know that in the end, we’d either break up or live miserable. I’m not willing to lead his emotions more deeply into that situation.
3) For the longest time, I didn’t even know he was seriously interested in me, because he PURPOSEFULLY talked to me on a regular basis about one of my female friends and led me to believe he was seriously interested in her.
4) After realizing his intentions and expressing very clearly to him how I felt ( or didn’t feel ) and why, he informed me that he understood and respected this and still wanted to be friends.
5) Despite indicating that he had understood and accepted, and genuinely just wanted to be friends, he continued to try to ‘win me over’, trying to buy me meals, etc.
6) He has spent less than $10 on me throughout our entire time knowing each-other. I tried desperately to talk him out of what little he did spend on me, and I outright refuse to let him spend a single dime on me ever again.
7) I feel guilty letting my boyfriend who I am in a very serious relationship with spend money on me— forget letting a guyfriend do likewise.
I never allow guyfriends to spend money on me for this very reason.
I don’t want them or anyone-else to think that I’m taking advantage of them, and I certainly don’t want them to think I owe them anything more than an equal amount of occasional ‘oh here let me pay this time’.
Plus, I’ve never been able to convince a guyfriend to let me pay for his meal, snack, drink, whatever.
and I understand if you were really serious and it’s hard for you to continue being just friends, but be honest about it.
It’s hurtful and confusing ( to say the least ) when you say that you’re okay with being just friends, but then proceed to keep trying to ‘win the girl over’, or try to make her feel like she owes you something, or suddenly just cut off communication all together.
and if you just wanted to get in her pants…. well then what are you so sore over? She likely doesn’t want a casual hook-up, just go find someone who does. They’re are enough girls who enjoy casual hook-ups that you should be able to find one without beating around the bush. ( no pun intended. )
This is excellent.
I feel terrible about the ‘friend zone’….. but hears the thing…..
Being a genuinely nice guy interested in a genuinely nice girl doesn’t automatically make you two compatible.
I know you’re a great guy, and no, I’m not trying to be mean…
but there are so many other additional things that could be horribly and catastrophically out of sync with us.
If anything, your genuinely nice nature makes me value you and your friendship all the more, and makes me all the more unwilling to take the risk of a relationship that I already know is a bad idea due to other factors besides your niceness. For one thing, I might ruin our friendship….. but even more importantly, nice guys usually have pretty deep emotions that can lead to serious hurt for them when things go wrong.
So yes, if ‘friend zoning you’ because I don’t want to lead you into a relationship that I know is likely a bad idea makes me a bad person, then I guess I’m a bad person.
Let’s face it– any guy being a sweet dad is automatically bumped way up on the attractive scale. <3
Sorry, I mean that in the most loving way possible, I swear…..
but I mean really, you don’t. and we don’t. and that’s just a fact.
You don’t want to do it because ‘it doesn’t taste good’, and we’re not doing it ‘because it tastes good’. We’re doing it because you enjoy it. Most of us just don’t mention the taste or smell because unless it’s abnormally bad / unhygienic, it would be rude to complain about something that you have no control over. Considering where it’s located and all its various uses and the fact that it’s human flesh and bodily fluids, what do you expect?
Actually did get mono from my best friend for that very reason. I’m not sure why that has negative points.
But in the end you wouldn’t give up the mono and awkward misunderstandings, because the friendship is totally worth it.
16. It’s rude of you to expect her to give you oral with a smile and then complain and whimp out when it comes to doing the same for her.
For those of you who disagree: I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you don’t smell like flowers and taste like sugar, either.
Well, scratch that– every once in a blue moon you might, but it’s pretty darn unlikely— just as pretty darn unlikely as it is that we would.
I think it’s a rather broad assumption to say that all these schools would have that reaction or that there aren’t ‘party’ schools and / or non-religion-oriented schools that wouldn’t also blame the victim / survivor in other ways……
but I agree that this is terrible, and that’s an understatement. :/
But really, it is an insanely good point— why do men so rarely feel like this?
Why do the majority of them rarely feel the need or desire to do all this crazy stuff to themselves for a woman?
And for that matter, I can’t say as I personally know any women who would expect or desire such from a man…..
Why are they always gay? </3
You're marvelous. <3
So many people need to see this.
And what about the photoshop?
The airbrush?
The fake bits as demonstrated in the photo at the top of this post?
So many men and women don't realize that this ideal image set for us of women DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.
NOT EVEN THE MODELS IN THOSE PHOTOS TRULY LOOK LIKE THAT.
And the ones you see in 'real' life? Fake add-ons, surgeries, implants, clothing that covers up all the bits of them that look like a living skeleton.
But we see that and we don't realize how unrealistic, even impossible, and certainly almost always unnatural, it is. Men grow up seeing that featured as what's attractive in a woman. They don't understand when you don't look like that. They accept you for you, but deep down in their fantasies it's the huge breasts that magically support themselves and the tiny bodies that so rarely accompany said large breasts….
and then there's the 'joys' a woman with such breasts experiences that men so rarely understand– all the backaches, hard-to-fit clothing, etc. etc.
It's miserable.
{ and then, you know…. there's periods, loss of virginity, child-carrying, childbirth, and all those other fun painful ( and admittedly inconveniencing even if we consider it worth it ) experiences we have. }
THANK-YOU for this. <3
{ also, please feel free to tailor this to the suitable genders and sexualities that you prefer, I support them all and I don't mean to be intolerant, I'm just sortof sleepy as hell right now and I'm bad enough with words as it is. }
Also, no need to be condescending.
Because the only way for me to get a well-rounded experience is if I get drunk and / or high off my ***, right?
With any and all due respect, that seems to be what you’re implying.
Or do you mean just a little alcohol and social experience?
–because I’m pretty sure that what elfin was referring to was hardcore parties where people are wandering around being loud and obnoxious or knocking themselves out.
Everything is grand in moderation. But if you go overboard, it will either harm you or your piers who can’t focus as apparently well as you can.
If you’re gifted enough to be able to ignore the insane parties going on all around you, or even participate in them on a regular basis and still somehow miraculously get an insanely high GPA, ( I dunno, maybe you’e a super genius ), then that’s great for you. But most people can’t balance both HARDCORE partying and good grades— whether it be because they’re participating in the partying, or simply just find it too distracting or disturbing.