I’m not an alcoholic. I’m just a soberphobic. TSM.

“Don’t put that in the minutes.” TSM.

“I’m too pretty for this.” TSM.

Viewing a hookup as a means of strengthening relations with other houses. TSM.

How will you know when you’re ready to have kids? When you don’t panic at the thought of being sober for 9 months. TSTC.

Making sure your bra and panties match your outfit before going out. TSM.

Your WiFi automatically connecting at your favorite frat houses. TSM.

The passive aggressive like on your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s picture. TSM.