27 Shocking Threesome Facts That You (And Your Boyfriend) Really Need To Know

The threesome. The three-way. The two wieners and a bun. No matter what you wanna call it, you can’t deny the concept of extra parts is fascinating. Whether you’ve done it, want to do it, know someone who has, or are disgusted by the idea, it. is. everywhere. In porn. In movies. In books and in our minds. And since we’re all horny assholes (and I’m sure your boyfriend has been begging you forever), I decided to get down to the bottom of this dirty, exciting, taboo act. Maybe once and for all we can agree to do it, or convince our boyfriends that it’s soooo out of style.

A “ménage à trois” actually means “a household of three.”
As if watching your guy sex up another girl wasn’t enough, imagine living with her.
Twenty percent of Americans claim that they’ve had a threesome.
And I’m sure most of those were guys. Who were, in fact, lying.
Because less than ten percent of women own up to it.
If you don’t snap a “post-threesome” selfie, it basically didn’t happen.
It’s better to be the guest star.
No feelings, no strings, no awkward “do you think she has a better ass than I do” conversation.
But if you’re not the guest star, don’t pick a good friend.
Because after watching your boyfriend take her to Pound Town, you’ll never look at her, or your friendship, the same way.
Australians are most likely to say yes to the threesome quest.
I guess things really are wetter down under.
A “devil’s threesome” = two guys, one vag.
And a whole lot of regret on the girl’s part.
Or a “Chinese finger trap.”
As if the PR on this move wasn’t bad enough…
But if the guys high five during (and let’s be real, you know they will) it’s called an “Eiffel Tower.”
Proving that guys actually are the worst.
Only two percent of women have had a male-female-male threesome.
Because honestly, that’s just wayyyy too much dick.
And they all said it was a one time thing.
Which I’m sure they wished was a zero time thing.
Women ranked having a threesome at the bottom of their sexual fantasies.
Throw in a pizza and a Netflix password, however, and it’ll shoot right up to the top.
Whereas seventy-five percent of guys are literally dying to have one.
Which means twenty-five percent of guys are afraid to admit it to their girlfriends.
But if you decide to make his dreams come true, you can use 3nder to find a third set of, uh, genitals.
Because Tinder wasn’t quite weird enough.
Women ages 18-24 are four times more likely to have one than other age groups.
I blame it on the alcohol.
If you don’t plan it out, you will break up and die alone.
Seriously. You need rules like no mouth kissing, no eye contact, and him promising to never fall in love with the other girl. Ever.
He needs to practice the eighty-twenty rule. Eighty percent of the attention on you, twenty percent on her.
Otherwise you’ll start crying and down a whole bottle of rosé in the corner while he lets another chick suck his toes. Or whatever.
Even if you think getting it on with another girl is weird, eight out of ten straight women have lesbian fantasies.
The other two women should go watch “OITNB” immediately.
Couples who take in a third party usually break up within three years of their first time.
Threesome with caution.
But the average couple looking for a third partner in their relationship has been together for way more than three years.
You know, like your parents. *gag*
If the guy is pushing for a three-way, there’s a very decent chance that he hasn’t been faithful to you.
Because him asking to have sex with another girl wasn’t evidence enough.
Only two percent of women are the ones asking for a threesome in a couple.
But still, thanks for making the rest of us look bad, ladies.
Despite it all, twenty percent of women and thirty percent of men really, really want to do it.
Which means that we all know what our boyfriends actually want for their birthdays.
Many people say that they’re more attracted to their partner after watching him/her get it on with someone else.
As opposed to just, you know, killing them.
You can still get STDs from threesomes.
Huh, who knew? Wrap it before you tap it. All of it. And keep rewrapping.
And it’s not like porn. At all.
Which is a good thing. Money shots don’t happen in real life, guys.
But worst case you can save yourself the headache, heartache, and confusion of a threesome and just throw some hardcore shit on.
As long as he gets to watch two girls kiss, he’ll be happy – whether you’re one of those girls or not.

Want to read more dirty things? Of course you do, you nasty. Check out the links below to get your sexy knowledge fill. And if anyone asks, you’re learning, okay?.

All About That Sex
All About Them Boobs
All About That Vag
All About That Butt(stuff)
All About That Dick

[via Radass, Your Tango, Huffington Post, Women’s Health]

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