How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ways

Having “The Talk”

Ohhhh, the talk. My mom told me when I was like, twelve never to ask a guy where we stood. As any twelve-year-old girl would do, I naturally assumed she was a moron and told her advice to go fuck itself. I mean HELLO, how else am I supposed to know he’s officially my boyfriend if we don’t have a lengthy conversation about it over AIM which I will later print out and bring to school to show all my friends exactly what happened? That talk may have resulted in a “will you go out with me?” then, which meant now we hold hands in the hallway for the next two weeks until we break up, but ever since, it seems I can’t help but continue to prove my mom right. If you’re looking for a way to break up with a guy, a good way to do it is to talk about feelings and “us.” That’s the kiss of fucking death. Things could be going great, you spend all this time together, he’s made it obvious that he likes you…at least more than everyone else, but if you ASK him about it, without fail, he’ll be running in the other direction. Guys get it in their head, that if you’re curious what he’s thinking, that automatically means you’re trying to be his girlfriend. Maybe you do, and it’s normal to feel like you have a right to know what’s in his head, but the general rule is if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I really have no idea how you actually do transition from the awkward limbo most of us find ourselves in to the real deal. I think it’s one of those things like, finances and what movie you’re going to see tonight, that has to be left up to him.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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