Letting Yourself Go
I know you ask him all the time, and he says he’ll still love you if you lost both your arms and legs, and gained 100 pounds, but if that happened….you’d be a torso. A fat torso for that matter. Maybe he’d still love you, but I imagine dating a torso in college isn’t really his wildest fantasy. Naturally, he wants you to look, more or less the way you looked when he found you. This means some of the obvious things, like…no one wants to move your fupa out of the way to find your vagina, so duh, don’t get fat. But there are so many other ways that that the comfort of monogamy seems to make us forget about. Don’t stop wearing make-up. Your boyfriend met a beauty queen. This is not to say that’s the only reason he loves you, and you don’t need to go all out all the time but you should still try to look pretty for him. Don’t start dressing like shit. Wearing man sweatpants and a giant sweatshirt around him all the time, even if it’s just around the house…isn’t cute. THIS is the person you should be trying to impress. HE is who you want to look good for. Just because he loves you, doesn’t mean it’s ok to look like a homeless person. And for God’s sake, do NOT stop shaving. I don’t know who was the first person to say that when you’re in a relationship you can shave less, but that is the most ass-backward logic I’ve ever heard. If you’re in a relationship, you should be shaving MORE. Pretty sure most single people don’t deal with anyone handling their lady parts on the daily…but if you’re in a relationship, another person is going to see you naked every single day. He shouldn’t be sifting through a pubic jungle to get to the goods. And most importantly, and so sorry to put it in these terms, but no “stank puss.” If you are so comfortable in a relationship that personal hygiene has taken a backseat, then that relationship is toxic…literally.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
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