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How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ways

Cheating

It seems the longer I am single, the farther away I get from being able to empathize with people who have decided to commit themselves to another person…but once upon a time I had the terrible misfortune of being in love. Real, live, all-encompassing, watch-dumb-shit-like-ESPN-and-Manswers-because-he-likes-it, scrub-his-cunt-mom’s-kitchen-from-top-to-bottom, drive-eight-hours-to-see-him, stay-in-on-a-Saturday, kiss-every-chance-you-get, make-single-people-hate-themselves, punch-a-bitch-out-if-she’s-too-nice-to-him-but-even-faster-if-she’s-mean-to-him, changed-my-life love. Gross. I know. If you feel that way about another person, or even if you’re just aware that they feel that way about you…don’t cheat. I can’t think of anything that would have been more devestating to me at the time, and frankly, I was at a point where I didn’t even want to kiss any other boys. When you’re in love with someone, it should hurt you to think of hurting him like that, and if you find you’d rather MO the guy in the multi-colored neon wind-breaker at your through the decades mixer than go home to your boyfriend, then that’s a sign that it’s time to call it quits. Break up before you do something that’s just…mean. Don’t try to have both, because you WILL get caught, and even if he decides to forgive you, you won’t deserve him. If, on the other hand, you’re not in love, and don’t think you will be because you can’t stop pining for the attention of every guy you meet for long enough to commit to someone (and I’m NOT judging, I’m def at a point where I value attention over companionship), then DON’T be somebody’s girlfriend. What’s the point? Have fun.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]

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