Kylie Cosmetics Birthday Collection Is Every Bit As Extra As You Expected

Kylie Cosmetics Birthday Collection Is Every Bit As Extra As You Expected

Another month, another Kylie Cosmetics collection. Gone are the days when the beauty mogul released a highly-anticipated lip kit after months of anticipation from fans. Now, every few weeks the celebrity has a new line of liquid lipsticks, highlighters, palettes and shadows; complete with new packaging, just waiting to put you over your credit card limit.

I remember the anxiety I had a year ago when ordering Kylie products. Ten minutes before the release time I would be on the site, religiously refreshing the browser page, just waiting to buy another another lipstick, that I was sure would finally be “the one” to give me Kylie’s lips. Lately, the brand has been releasing so many products so frequently, it’s hard to keep up; and I’m not the only one to feel this way. Not all products are immediately selling out on Kylie’s website anymore. It’s possible that the youngest Jenner sister has simply become better, and more experienced, with quality control; however, my guess is that fans, and their bank accounts, just can’t justify another nude lipstick.

To celebrate her birthday for the second year in a row, Kylie is releasing an extensive collection of products celebrating… herself! To think that all I did to “treat myself” on my 20th birthday was buy overpriced number balloons (I paid $40 for a good Instagram post… judge me) and justify eating an XL pizza by myself. Her latest birthday collection comes in pink, sparkly packaging, and is everything that I thought that makeup would be when I was a child (which some would say King Kylie still is).

Here’s what Kylie wants you to buy to make her birthday special:

Two Ultra Glow Loose Pigment Highlighters

Because I have no self-control, I purchased all three of Kylie’s Ultra Glow Highlighters from her Take Me On Vacation Collection and I have to say, these are awesome. They’re certainly not made for the bitch who loves to brag about how natural she is, as these are absolutely blinding. In this collection, Kylie is debuting the shades Queen, a beautiful light pink, and King, a reflective, light gold.

A Face Palette

Similar to the one she released in her Valentine’s Day collection, this warm tone palette is named the “Birthday Book.” Complete with nine single-pan shadows, three shimmer, six matte, and a blush and contour, the color scheme of this bulky palette reminds me of her Burgundy one. But it’s different. And I’m still going to buy it. In the name in Kylie.

Two Lip Glosses

Kylie is really, really trying to make lip gloss a thing. Even in middle school, I was smart enough to realize it’s simply a huge (Kardashian-ass) sized mess. Sure, it looks pretty for the 0.2 seconds that it takes to snap a selfie. Then it proceeds to make you, your hair, your drink and your date sticky. However, the colors Cherry Pie, a vibrant red that looks like it has slightly pinker undertones than the one we saw in her holiday collection, and Cupcake, a wearable, nude apricot, will at least look cute when smudged all over your boy of choice.

A Lip Kit

Okay, Kylie, we get it. You like nudes. And lip kits. However, I think that, at this point, my obsession with Kylie Cosmetics has gone so far the I could dump all of my nude Kylie Lipsticks into a tub and bathe in them. Unoriginally named Twenty, this brownish pink reminds me of Candy K…and Angel…and the entire KKW collaboration, and ten more shades I’m too lazy to learn the names of.

Two Sets of Six Minis

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Kylie’s mini sets: the perfect way to trick buyers into purchasing duplicates of the shades that they already have, just so they’re able to get their Jenner-obsessed hands on the new ones. The first set contains the colors Surprise Me, Commando, Sprinkle, Birthday Suit, Party Girl and LA, with Commando and Birthday Suit both being colors from her Vacation Collection. The second set contains the colors GORG, All Nighter, June (August) Bug, Angel, Baby Girl, and One Wish, with GORG and Baby Girl coming from the Koko Collection, Angel coming from the holiday one, and June Bug coming from her latest summer one. Real original, Kylie.

Let’s be honest here: Surprise Me and All Nighter look the same. Party Girl and Baby Girl not only look the same, but basically have the same fucking name. Angel and One Wish are so similar, you couldn’t even convince your boyfriend that they’re different, and neither are that far off from the other two nudes in this set of minis.

One Bedazzled Lipstick

Honestly, this is the best piece of the collection. This bedazzled tube contains the OG shade Candy K. Now it’s not that I want Candy K. I already have a Candy K and chances are if you’ve made it this far down in the article, you do too. However, there will be nothing more boujee and extra than pulling out this shade; and this will be the tube that makes me break my “no lipstick re-application around men” rule.

Brushes and a Makeup Bag

From Kylie’s Snapchat, it appears as though this collection also includes a pink, sparkly makeup bag, and four brushes, one for the face, and three for the eyes. Kylie, however, did not give attention to either of these items. I think she realizes that if you’re already going all out, and spending your future textbook money on makeup, you might as well buy the accessories too! It’s like when you get down to the last bit of a bottle of tequila. You know you’ve already fucked up, and gone too far, so you might as well just finish the job and deal with the repercussions later.

Kylie has not released any information on the pricing of this collection, however, we can expect that the items will come individually, as well as in a bundle. It will be sold on her website August 1st, 3pm PST.

Will I buy this collection? Of course. I don’t need it. I really don’t need it when you consider that I haven’t even tried everything from my Take Me On Vacation Collection yet. However, I’ve started a Youtube channel with the sheer purpose of being able to justify my excessive spending on makeup, and new releases, so I might as well take advantage of my new scapegoat. So bring on the nudes and recycled colors Kylie, because my credit card information is already stored in your website.

Image via Shutterstock

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Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at [email protected] Watch the bitch behind these stories at:

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