Asking a guy what his major is to decide whether he’s your next boyfriend or your new hookup. TSM.

The best birthday card isn’t a Hallmark. It’s a fake. TSM.

Taking shots every time you see your ex, at his fraternity’s social. TSM.

When life gives you lemons, throw them in your vodka and call up your sisters. TSM.

“No, that doesn’t make sense. I can’t be dehydrated. I haven’t stopped drinking wine since Sunday.” TSM.

He wears the pants, but I control the zipper. TSM.

Only using Tinder when the boy you’re texting takes too long to reply. TSM.

Proving the weather man wrong when he says it’ll be a “dry weekend.” TSM.