I haven’t slept with anyone all summer. I’m basically a virgin. TSM.

Using him for his dad’s boat. TSM.

Looking better for the breakup than you did for the first date. TSM.

Pretending not to know his name when you actually know the names of his mom, his dog, and his last three girlfriends. TSM.

Either taking pictures within the first half hour of an event or not at all. TSM.

If he’s not old enough to be your dad, he’s not too old for you. TSTC.

Waking up and being mildly impressed by how coherent your blackout texts seem. TSM.

The t-shirt being the only proof you went to an event, because your memory is serving useless. TSM.