Do I want to give you a blow job? No. Will I? Still no. TSTC.

The Real House Moms of Greek Row. TSM.

Anything you can do, I can pay someone to do better. TSM.

I craft, because I care. TSM.

Strategically placing emojis in your snaps. TSM.

Trusting your blackout self to do the things your sober self won’t. TSM.

Keep your friends close, and your standards chair the closer. TSM.

Demanding “who do you know here!?” even when you’re not the host. TSM.

Graduating with honors and alcoholism. TSM.