Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live.
email her at: [email protected]
I respect your insight and agree that something 100% needs to be done about colleges under reporting but my fear is that this mandate will become a Pandora’s box of sorts – once it’s a law, there’s no way (at least no easy way) to undo the damage and repeal it. Many things need to be done and changed in regards to sexual assault, both preventing and handling of cases, but even if a rule somewhat helps in the short term, I don’t think it’s worth it to put survivors mental well being at risk, especially following such a traumatic experience.
I think a lot of you are missing my point. I understand how the law works and that legally the situation above can be defined as rape. However, the same holds true for every single instance of drunken sex. The way the law is worded is that if either party is under the influence, consent cannot be given and thus if sex occurs, it’s technically rape. I think we can all agree that’s not practical, so for those of you arguing that I don’t have the right to define my own experience, you’re wrong. Any time you have drunken sex and come to the conclusion that you were not raped, YOU are defining your experience, even though legally you could not give consent and were thus technically raped. I chose to define the experience above as an uncomfortable experience, but not a rape or an assault. Because I am well informed and an adult, I ask that you respect my decision to define my experience as I see fit, and to also offer others in similar positions as me the same courtesy.
You really didn’t read anything but the title, am I right? The point is threefold; to not be ignorant of your privilege, to be thankful to those that have blessed you with it, and to not judge others, because you have no idea what their life journey is like. But if you want to take offense simply because I’m thankful for my parents, more power to you. I heard taking offense in everything really helps to solve problems…
I’m extremely sorry for what happened to you, that should not happen to anyone. However, I think it is incredibly unfair for you to yell at the author. What happened to her isn’t fair either and you diminishing how she feels or trying to pit your story against hers isn’t right. The author’s point of the article isn’t boo-hoo feel bad for me, it’s to try to help people understand that consent is a difficult thing and to make sure you always have it. As the author points out, consent is not black and white, which is true. No one is going to argue that what happened to you was horrible and repugnant, and as I said before, I’m sorry, but that’s also just the authors point. What happened to you was wrong, but just as you pointed out with your comment, too many people don’t think that what happened to the author is equally just as wrong. Sex is a wonderful thing and no one should ever feel pressured to have sex if they don’t want, and they definitely should not feel like they lack the ability to say no. Further more, if they do say no, that no should be respected. You try to diminish the author’s experience, which is terrible, because in her own words, she did say no and that no was not respected. Look up any definition of rape, because that’s it. Rape doesn’t require a struggle or a fight, that’s an outdated definition that is detrimental to women every where.
It takes some time, lots of wine, and lots of bitching to your best friends. There are some days when I still struggle with it because I know I would have done the best possible job imaginable, but I have to get past it. I know why I didn’t get it, so I need to just remember that and try to work on my behavior. It’s hard, and I’m still sad, but just worry about working on yourself and it will all be worth it in the end
Sorry, they edited out the foreword about how this was all scrapped together from texts from my big’s phone, my big’s scattered memory, and what some of the brothers told us happened
I could write a thousand articles on how society needs to change their misogynistic views and on all the ways guys need to change and what they need to be doing differently. But TSM’s demographics is females. If you are honestly trying to say that there is nothing females can do to help eradicate sexual assault, then I guess we just fundamentally disagree. I do think this is fundamentally and predominately a male problem, but we as a society need to work together towards solving what is an incredibly large problem.
And just to be clear, I’m saying that a women’s no should always be respected. When a women says no, a guy should stop and not push it.
Your literally missed the fucking point. I said that forced sex is never ok. I said that FIRST AND FOREMOST, we need increased education and teaching men how to respond to women. But the point was, if you are a girl and you are set on having sex with a guy, don’t fall into the stereotype of giving “token resistance” because that’s what society says you should do. Because when you say no and don’t actually mean no, it’s detrimental to the women who say no and mean no. Because no should always mean no, and that should always be respected, no matter the situation.
I agree with you. I’m obviously not advocating or making excuses for forced sex. But what I am saying is women as a whole need to take some responsibility for the stereotypes and generalizations they perpetuate. Being clear and upfront about what you want, whether sexually or not, is always the way to go. If we want to try to diminish this problem, we need to recognize our role and then work to stop it.
Just because you graduate, doesn’t mean you are necessarily going to get a job. And just because you get a job, doesn’t mean you are going to be promoted, and so on and so forth. A diploma will help, but your career is what you make of it, not your parents. So while the diploma may partially belong to them, your life, career, and how you choose to live it belong to you.
Let me clarify by what I mean by “work for it”: If you want to hold out sex until the 3rd date, 5th date, 1 month mark, until your exclusive, or even until marriage, then I say do what makes you happy or follow whatever your personal moral code is. I have absolutely no problem with anyone putting off sex until they feel comfortable to have it. What I am saying, is that if you have ever intention of sleeping with someone, don’t put up “token resistance” because that’s what society dictates females should do. If you want to sleep with someone, own it. And if you don’t say no, and make sure that no is respected.
Respectfully, I think that thinking is part of the problem. Nobody should ever feel like they have to have sex, and sometimes scenarios change and people change their minds. If anyone, guy or girl, wants to decide that they don’t want to have sex, then they should be able. But I also think that girls playing games and giving mixed signals, i.e. Saying no when they really want to, is part of the problem as well. Guys aren’t mind readers, they can’t distinguish between a “no” that means keep going, and a “no” that means stop. Like I said, we all, men and women, need to make stopping sexual assault and violence a priority, and we need to do our part to help combat it
I do have standards. Morals. Or whatever you were getting at. Mine just happen to be different than yours I guess. But have fun with your “missionary with the lights off” sex for the rest of your life☺️
I respect your insight and agree that something 100% needs to be done about colleges under reporting but my fear is that this mandate will become a Pandora’s box of sorts – once it’s a law, there’s no way (at least no easy way) to undo the damage and repeal it. Many things need to be done and changed in regards to sexual assault, both preventing and handling of cases, but even if a rule somewhat helps in the short term, I don’t think it’s worth it to put survivors mental well being at risk, especially following such a traumatic experience.
33. google what ‘bric-a-brac’ means and then refer to 15
You’re right, it’s not meant for ‘you’. It’s meant for parents and close relatives with real jobs who do have that kind of money.
I think a lot of you are missing my point. I understand how the law works and that legally the situation above can be defined as rape. However, the same holds true for every single instance of drunken sex. The way the law is worded is that if either party is under the influence, consent cannot be given and thus if sex occurs, it’s technically rape. I think we can all agree that’s not practical, so for those of you arguing that I don’t have the right to define my own experience, you’re wrong. Any time you have drunken sex and come to the conclusion that you were not raped, YOU are defining your experience, even though legally you could not give consent and were thus technically raped. I chose to define the experience above as an uncomfortable experience, but not a rape or an assault. Because I am well informed and an adult, I ask that you respect my decision to define my experience as I see fit, and to also offer others in similar positions as me the same courtesy.
You really didn’t read anything but the title, am I right? The point is threefold; to not be ignorant of your privilege, to be thankful to those that have blessed you with it, and to not judge others, because you have no idea what their life journey is like. But if you want to take offense simply because I’m thankful for my parents, more power to you. I heard taking offense in everything really helps to solve problems…
I’m extremely sorry for what happened to you, that should not happen to anyone. However, I think it is incredibly unfair for you to yell at the author. What happened to her isn’t fair either and you diminishing how she feels or trying to pit your story against hers isn’t right. The author’s point of the article isn’t boo-hoo feel bad for me, it’s to try to help people understand that consent is a difficult thing and to make sure you always have it. As the author points out, consent is not black and white, which is true. No one is going to argue that what happened to you was horrible and repugnant, and as I said before, I’m sorry, but that’s also just the authors point. What happened to you was wrong, but just as you pointed out with your comment, too many people don’t think that what happened to the author is equally just as wrong. Sex is a wonderful thing and no one should ever feel pressured to have sex if they don’t want, and they definitely should not feel like they lack the ability to say no. Further more, if they do say no, that no should be respected. You try to diminish the author’s experience, which is terrible, because in her own words, she did say no and that no was not respected. Look up any definition of rape, because that’s it. Rape doesn’t require a struggle or a fight, that’s an outdated definition that is detrimental to women every where.
It takes some time, lots of wine, and lots of bitching to your best friends. There are some days when I still struggle with it because I know I would have done the best possible job imaginable, but I have to get past it. I know why I didn’t get it, so I need to just remember that and try to work on my behavior. It’s hard, and I’m still sad, but just worry about working on yourself and it will all be worth it in the end
Sorry, they edited out the foreword about how this was all scrapped together from texts from my big’s phone, my big’s scattered memory, and what some of the brothers told us happened
I could write a thousand articles on how society needs to change their misogynistic views and on all the ways guys need to change and what they need to be doing differently. But TSM’s demographics is females. If you are honestly trying to say that there is nothing females can do to help eradicate sexual assault, then I guess we just fundamentally disagree. I do think this is fundamentally and predominately a male problem, but we as a society need to work together towards solving what is an incredibly large problem.
And just to be clear, I’m saying that a women’s no should always be respected. When a women says no, a guy should stop and not push it.
Your literally missed the fucking point. I said that forced sex is never ok. I said that FIRST AND FOREMOST, we need increased education and teaching men how to respond to women. But the point was, if you are a girl and you are set on having sex with a guy, don’t fall into the stereotype of giving “token resistance” because that’s what society says you should do. Because when you say no and don’t actually mean no, it’s detrimental to the women who say no and mean no. Because no should always mean no, and that should always be respected, no matter the situation.
I agree with you. I’m obviously not advocating or making excuses for forced sex. But what I am saying is women as a whole need to take some responsibility for the stereotypes and generalizations they perpetuate. Being clear and upfront about what you want, whether sexually or not, is always the way to go. If we want to try to diminish this problem, we need to recognize our role and then work to stop it.
maybe you missed the part where she wrote that they weren’t going to fund her existence forever… That’s okay, reading can be hard sometimes
Just because you graduate, doesn’t mean you are necessarily going to get a job. And just because you get a job, doesn’t mean you are going to be promoted, and so on and so forth. A diploma will help, but your career is what you make of it, not your parents. So while the diploma may partially belong to them, your life, career, and how you choose to live it belong to you.
***and if you DO say no, make sure that no is respected
Sorry for the typo.
Let me clarify by what I mean by “work for it”: If you want to hold out sex until the 3rd date, 5th date, 1 month mark, until your exclusive, or even until marriage, then I say do what makes you happy or follow whatever your personal moral code is. I have absolutely no problem with anyone putting off sex until they feel comfortable to have it. What I am saying, is that if you have ever intention of sleeping with someone, don’t put up “token resistance” because that’s what society dictates females should do. If you want to sleep with someone, own it. And if you don’t say no, and make sure that no is respected.
Respectfully, I think that thinking is part of the problem. Nobody should ever feel like they have to have sex, and sometimes scenarios change and people change their minds. If anyone, guy or girl, wants to decide that they don’t want to have sex, then they should be able. But I also think that girls playing games and giving mixed signals, i.e. Saying no when they really want to, is part of the problem as well. Guys aren’t mind readers, they can’t distinguish between a “no” that means keep going, and a “no” that means stop. Like I said, we all, men and women, need to make stopping sexual assault and violence a priority, and we need to do our part to help combat it
I do have standards. Morals. Or whatever you were getting at. Mine just happen to be different than yours I guess. But have fun with your “missionary with the lights off” sex for the rest of your life☺️
Hahaha, no. Different time, different story, but equally as funny
As tempting as that sounds, I’m gonna have to give a hard pass on that offer
This article wasn’t supposed to be about the actual threesome, but I can always write one about the experience if interested