I hope the earring I lost in his bed punctures him in his sleep. TSTC.

Procrastinating homework with formal planning, because productivity is relative. TSM.

Pregaming asking him to formal. TSM.

Fan girling over your little on every form of social media. TSM.

Sexting the same exact lines to two different boys, because to hell with creativity. TSM.

A shack shirt is just a souvenir. TSM.

When your 60-year-old alumnae tell you not to worry, because they were alcoholics too. TSM.

Never having to walk home during pledge season. TSM.

Getting up earlier for a philanthropy than you ever would for class. TSM.

Marry for money. Love will come later. TSM.