This is slightly similar to what we did for disaffiliation at my school this year. The Rho Chis were not going to disaffiliate officially until 30 days before recruitment and even then it wasn’t really a “secret” which organizations we belonged to. It meant we got to wear letters longer, talk to our sisters publicly, attend public chapter events, and we didn’t have to sneak around to chapter meetings. However, it made it really awkward for a lot of the PNMs because they didn’t necessarily want to know what we were. (I think they wanted to know, they just weren’t offered the choice to try to find out. And let’s be real, the stalking is half the fun.) We ended up reverting back to the old rules and disaffiliating earlier than planned, and enacting strict silence much earlier than normal.
Overall, the entire thing was kind of a big failure. It looked good on paper, but the execution was lacking. The Rho Chis weren’t as close as normal because they weren’t forced to hang out with each other. I actually had a couple of PNMs tell me that they knew what house I was in, and that I was a big part of the reason they wanted to go back to that house. I had others flat out tell me that it was super awkward that they knew what house I was in because they didn’t feel like they could talk to me about my house. Honestly disaffiliating around the time that registration for recruitment begins (or when that semester begins) is best. It’s hard, but it makes the PNMs less uncomfortable and helps recruitment run a lot smoother. Plus, the homecoming is that much better 🙂
This honestly makes me really sad. One of the most informative and interesting “classes” (it was more like a one-time seminar) was one where we all came in agreeing that, while the room was a safe place and no one would be derogatory or demeaning to any one person or group, we could freely ask any questions we had about race, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. using any language we needed to to ask the question. Discussions ranged from hair care to stereotypes to slurs. I learned a lot in that seminar about why we do and don’t say/do certain things, as well as a lot of history that I hadn’t really been aware of. A lot of questions that I’ve always had but have never really been able to ask because it’s not politically correct were answered. I completely support this sort of class/seminar as long as people come in with an open mind and no one is using the class as an opportunity to discriminate against people/groups without penalty.
It sucks. No lie. This girl definitely thought I was her big. When she found out I wasn’t, she ran out of the room crying. It was horrible, but I was silently thanking god she figured it out before reveal, because that would have been even worse.
The most you can do it to try to cushion the blow of you not being her big. Let her know that “Big” and “Little” are just titles, and that just because you don’t hold those titles in relation to each other doesn’t mean that you can’t be close. You can still be a friend and mentor to her without being her big. At the end of the day, being a big is about being a mentor to your little. But your big doesn’t have to be your only mentor, or, in some extreme cases, your mentor at all. Sororities are about relationships with your sisters, not some random titles assigned pretty much at the whim of the matching committee.
Or you could get the big/little you absolutely adored only to find out that she’s not exactly the person you thought she was. I got the big that I wanted more than anything. This girl was absolutely perfect in every way and we both knew that we were meant to be. Fast forward two years, and we barely speak to each other, and I don’t consider her my big at all.
But then I met the little that I knew was meant to be mine forever. We were a one-on-one match, and we didn’t get matched. But I am still there for her whenever she needs me. Just because you aren’t someone’s big doesn’t mean that you can’t be a mentor to them.
While I definitely agree with the general article, I don’t really think that the arguments was supported in the best way. I most definitely fit a lot of the sorority girl stereotypes (I’m certainly guilty of wearing lots of Lilly Pulitzer, drinking too much Starbucks, posting too many pictures with my sisters, and being a little ditzy at times), but I’m also a lot more than that. I’m in the Honors College at my school. I have a 3.8 GPA. I am a double major and a double minor. I am bilingual, and I am nearly fluent in two other languages. I have an IB diploma from high school. I spent the last two years of high school studying at a boarding school in Norway. I’m a study abroad student. I taught myself to play two instruments, and I write my own music. I’m a cancer survivor–three times over. So, yes, I fit a lot of the sorority girl stereotypes, but I am so much more than those stereotypes. And a lot of it isn’t apparent when you see me.
This is slightly similar to what we did for disaffiliation at my school this year. The Rho Chis were not going to disaffiliate officially until 30 days before recruitment and even then it wasn’t really a “secret” which organizations we belonged to. It meant we got to wear letters longer, talk to our sisters publicly, attend public chapter events, and we didn’t have to sneak around to chapter meetings. However, it made it really awkward for a lot of the PNMs because they didn’t necessarily want to know what we were. (I think they wanted to know, they just weren’t offered the choice to try to find out. And let’s be real, the stalking is half the fun.) We ended up reverting back to the old rules and disaffiliating earlier than planned, and enacting strict silence much earlier than normal.
Overall, the entire thing was kind of a big failure. It looked good on paper, but the execution was lacking. The Rho Chis weren’t as close as normal because they weren’t forced to hang out with each other. I actually had a couple of PNMs tell me that they knew what house I was in, and that I was a big part of the reason they wanted to go back to that house. I had others flat out tell me that it was super awkward that they knew what house I was in because they didn’t feel like they could talk to me about my house. Honestly disaffiliating around the time that registration for recruitment begins (or when that semester begins) is best. It’s hard, but it makes the PNMs less uncomfortable and helps recruitment run a lot smoother. Plus, the homecoming is that much better 🙂
This honestly makes me really sad. One of the most informative and interesting “classes” (it was more like a one-time seminar) was one where we all came in agreeing that, while the room was a safe place and no one would be derogatory or demeaning to any one person or group, we could freely ask any questions we had about race, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. using any language we needed to to ask the question. Discussions ranged from hair care to stereotypes to slurs. I learned a lot in that seminar about why we do and don’t say/do certain things, as well as a lot of history that I hadn’t really been aware of. A lot of questions that I’ve always had but have never really been able to ask because it’s not politically correct were answered. I completely support this sort of class/seminar as long as people come in with an open mind and no one is using the class as an opportunity to discriminate against people/groups without penalty.
It sucks. No lie. This girl definitely thought I was her big. When she found out I wasn’t, she ran out of the room crying. It was horrible, but I was silently thanking god she figured it out before reveal, because that would have been even worse.
The most you can do it to try to cushion the blow of you not being her big. Let her know that “Big” and “Little” are just titles, and that just because you don’t hold those titles in relation to each other doesn’t mean that you can’t be close. You can still be a friend and mentor to her without being her big. At the end of the day, being a big is about being a mentor to your little. But your big doesn’t have to be your only mentor, or, in some extreme cases, your mentor at all. Sororities are about relationships with your sisters, not some random titles assigned pretty much at the whim of the matching committee.
Or you could get the big/little you absolutely adored only to find out that she’s not exactly the person you thought she was. I got the big that I wanted more than anything. This girl was absolutely perfect in every way and we both knew that we were meant to be. Fast forward two years, and we barely speak to each other, and I don’t consider her my big at all.
But then I met the little that I knew was meant to be mine forever. We were a one-on-one match, and we didn’t get matched. But I am still there for her whenever she needs me. Just because you aren’t someone’s big doesn’t mean that you can’t be a mentor to them.
Katherine Timpf is a Chi Omega.
While I definitely agree with the general article, I don’t really think that the arguments was supported in the best way. I most definitely fit a lot of the sorority girl stereotypes (I’m certainly guilty of wearing lots of Lilly Pulitzer, drinking too much Starbucks, posting too many pictures with my sisters, and being a little ditzy at times), but I’m also a lot more than that. I’m in the Honors College at my school. I have a 3.8 GPA. I am a double major and a double minor. I am bilingual, and I am nearly fluent in two other languages. I have an IB diploma from high school. I spent the last two years of high school studying at a boarding school in Norway. I’m a study abroad student. I taught myself to play two instruments, and I write my own music. I’m a cancer survivor–three times over. So, yes, I fit a lot of the sorority girl stereotypes, but I am so much more than those stereotypes. And a lot of it isn’t apparent when you see me.