Not worrying that you’ll freeze in your dress, because you’ll be drunk. TSM.

Drinking in letters when you’re wine drunk around the house, because you’re wild and can’t be tamed. TSM.

The pink shirt emoji girl is my spirit animal. TSM.

Frat Daddy Issues. TSM.

The “k bye” text so he knows he’s in trouble. TSM.

“Every time we relate to a TSM, drink your moscato.” -how to finish a bottle of wine in five minutes. TSTC.

Getting a fraternity’s event shirt before its pledges do. TSM.

The number of times I’ve used a guy because his bed was closer than mine is both epic and appalling. TSM.

I’ve begun using shot glasses as my contact containers if you want to make conducting the Hot Mess Express a competition. TSTC.