Putting “Jack Daniels” as your date’s name on your date party form. TSM.

RIP to all the jewelry I’ve lost or broken while drunk. TSM.

These bros ain’t loyal. TSM.

Considering your most recent fraternity hookup to be a “political alliance.” TSM.

Frat queen, not trap queen. TSM.

The condition of your iPhone being a good indication of how your life is going. TSM.

Vodka might not be the answer, but it’s always worth a shot. TSM.