The best birthday card isn’t a Hallmark. It’s a fake. TSM.

“A meal without wine is called breakfast.” TSM.

I just want world peace and a bigger booty. TSM.

Instinctively waiting an extra second after swiping right, because you know you’ll be a match. TSM.

Knowing you’ll get sent to standards. Doing it anyway. TSM.

Abusing the power that comes from telling a guy at the bar that it’s one of your friends’ birthdays. TSM.

Screaming, “PAN LOVE” every time you meet a girl from a different chapter out at a bar. TSM.