Your ex’s roommate telling you he “misses seeing you around the apartment.” TSM.

Sweetie, you’re not pretty. You’re blonde. There’s a difference. TSM.

My degree is not a back-up-plan. It’s a passion. I went to college to learn how to save lives, not bake pies. I already knew how to do that. TSM.

“Shit, where did he throw my norts?” TSM.

My kids won’t throw temper tantrums in public. TSM.

Maybe if Taylor Swift went to college she could’ve found herself a respectable fratdaddy instead of getting her heart broken by all of those GDIs. TSM.

Counting my paychecks in terms of Lilly dresses. TSM.

I’m saving sex for college. TSM.

Not having or needing fake nails, fake tan, fake hair or a fake boobs. My Parents gave me grade A genetics. I’m 100% real. TSM.