Singing very aggressively to Blank Space for someone who has a nonexistent list of ex-lovers. TSM.

Shamelessly adding four bottles of champagne to your mom’s shopping cart. TSM.

I can make the good guys bad for a weekend. TSM.

Having no concrete direction in life, but still convincing everyone you’re the most successful cousin at the dinner table. TSM.

“I have stories for you.” TSM.

Not worrying that you’ll freeze in your dress, because you’ll be drunk. TSM.

Being hungover at philanthropy events when you can’t be drunk. TSTC.

Dashing through the snow with a bottle of merlot. TSM.

At least standards can’t get me while I’m at home. TSTC.

I need a hug…e bottle of wine. TSM.