“I preffed the shit out of her.” TSM.

Only wearing sorority shirts around campus so the freshmen know which house to join. TSM.

Hi. We’ve met seven times, but I’ve never seen you sober. TSM.

“You follow her? Let me stalk her Insta on your phone because she’s private.” TSM.

Calories don’t count after 1am or 5 shots, whichever comes first. TSM.

“No, Mom, you can’t zoom in on Instagram.” TSM.

Deciding which underwear to wear based on who’s going to be there. TSM.