Hungry? Grab a Diet Coke. Thirsty? Grab a shot glass. TSM.

I’m scared of fat people. TSM.

Wearing granny panties so you won’t hook up with him. TSM.

A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. TSM.

Can’t I just be a cuddlepiece with t-shirt privileges? TSM.

Not being able to look away from your freshly painted nails. TSM.

This tanning salon is like Cheers. Everybody knows my name. TSM.

I like using his monogramed towel when we shower together. TSM.

Kim Kardashian crying over losing a $76,000 earring in Bora Bora. TSM.

People frequently question whether I have pants on. TSM.