Dear Big_Knows_Best,
How about I cook you a nice meal, we put on some classic jazz (I’m a Cab Calloway kind of guy), I’ll open up a nice bottle of wine (This chardonnay has a bland label but a smooth floral notes with hints of honey and pear) , and we get lost in an intellectual conversation about what’s your paradigm.
2014 has been rough. I was a recently released [b]Criminal[/b] who tired my luck being a [b]Tinder Dude[/b]. I matched with my[b] Baby Mama’s[/b] cousin on Tinder. She found out I was a [b]cheater[/b] and wound up being one of the [b]Desperate people[/b] and [b]people getting dumped[/b]. She’s from a [b]Fucked up family[/b] so I wound up being a [b]Revenge Victim[/b]. I was [b]Injured[/b], losing an ear, when they tried to make me a [b]Bad haircut victim[/b]. Even though I was [b]The entitled[/b] one to that punishment #Blessed. Eventually she came around and I had to say yes to a [b]bad proposal[/b] in front of her family. It’s a good thing I’m not a [b]Racist[/b] because I’ve definitely been one of [b]The Stupid[/b] ones.
Here’s a Shibby rendition of “Mistletoe” originally authored by Walter De La Mare
Sitting under the mistletoe,
All the keg beer running low,
All the sratty dancers gone,
Just one Fratter raging on,
Whiskey bottles everywhere:
Some one came, and kissed me there.
Drunk as I was; It was a go
Hooking up under the mistletoe
She suddenly gripped my Frock,
Then I said, “pretty forward YeahOkayWhat”,
She tightened her grip and said. “Your an animal, Shibbs. I can’t get enough”,
So she took me home and we did #ButtStuff
I’m feeling lazy and don’t feel like thinking of a creative pick up line. How about you just put on some comfy sweats, I’ll make tacos, order a pizza, pour some wine, and we just watch elf.
Love,
Shibby
P.S the puppy is sad he didn’t get nudes. #DoItForThePuppy
Hey, baby.
Real men don’t hit women.
Dear Rush,
If you don’t have a ring by Christmas 2015 I can be your backup. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
-Shibby
Dear Big_Knows_Best,
How about I cook you a nice meal, we put on some classic jazz (I’m a Cab Calloway kind of guy), I’ll open up a nice bottle of wine (This chardonnay has a bland label but a smooth floral notes with hints of honey and pear) , and we get lost in an intellectual conversation about what’s your paradigm.
Love,
Shibby
Dear Lucky Jo,
It’s still #ButtStuff2014 until midnight. Hope you have a great 2015.
Happy New Year,
Shibby
Dear 2NotBrokeGirls,
2014 has been rough. I was a recently released [b]Criminal[/b] who tired my luck being a [b]Tinder Dude[/b]. I matched with my[b] Baby Mama’s[/b] cousin on Tinder. She found out I was a [b]cheater[/b] and wound up being one of the [b]Desperate people[/b] and [b]people getting dumped[/b]. She’s from a [b]Fucked up family[/b] so I wound up being a [b]Revenge Victim[/b]. I was [b]Injured[/b], losing an ear, when they tried to make me a [b]Bad haircut victim[/b]. Even though I was [b]The entitled[/b] one to that punishment #Blessed. Eventually she came around and I had to say yes to a [b]bad proposal[/b] in front of her family. It’s a good thing I’m not a [b]Racist[/b] because I’ve definitely been one of [b]The Stupid[/b] ones.
Love,
Shibby
you told me that was my spot 🙁
*sends simple late-night emoji*
Dear Sunshine 4121,
*Recycled creepy pickup line*
Love,
Shibby
Dear GirlMeetsTheRealWorld,
I’d cuddle up in sweats, eat Froyo, and watch the notebook with you any day. Maybe we can even open up a nice bottle of wine too.
Love,
Shibby
Dear YeahOkayWhat,
Here’s a Shibby rendition of “Mistletoe” originally authored by Walter De La Mare
Sitting under the mistletoe,
All the keg beer running low,
All the sratty dancers gone,
Just one Fratter raging on,
Whiskey bottles everywhere:
Some one came, and kissed me there.
Drunk as I was; It was a go
Hooking up under the mistletoe
She suddenly gripped my Frock,
Then I said, “pretty forward YeahOkayWhat”,
She tightened her grip and said. “Your an animal, Shibbs. I can’t get enough”,
So she took me home and we did #ButtStuff
Love,
Shibby
#ButtStuff2014
Dear Snow White,
I don’t normally comment on these things, but I wouldn’t throw sugar on you. Can’t make any promises about the creamer though.
Love,
Shibby
It’s a sad day when Gaga gets downvotes on TSM.
Hot Piece,
How about you ho ho ho underneath the mistletoe with me.
Love,
Shibby
Dear HotPiece,
You can cry on my shoulder anytime. And as far as the Romper goes, I think it’d look best on my bedroom floor 😉
Love,
Shibby
Dear Lucky_Jo,
I’m feeling lazy and don’t feel like thinking of a creative pick up line. How about you just put on some comfy sweats, I’ll make tacos, order a pizza, pour some wine, and we just watch elf.
Love,
Shibby
P.S the puppy is sad he didn’t get nudes. #DoItForThePuppy
Dear YoungFreeAPhi,
I think you are beautiful just the way you are.
Love,
Shibby
P.S *Hashtag* FreeShibby
I can’t believe the #GreatBlackBall2014 #ForumRiots and banishment of Tuco and Shibby weren’t mentioned in JTrains Column…
TSM got clever and blocked comments with *Hashtag*FreeShibby…
Dear Premed Donna,
Will you be my queen?
Love,
Shibby