It’s not slutty if he’s in the military. It’s a civic duty. TSM.

I can apply make up perfectly in a moving car. Where do I put that on my résumé? TSM.

My ashes would turn to glitter, not dust. TSM.

Threatening to call your drunk crying friend’s big if she doesn’t stop. TSM.

If you don’t have a craft drawer, are you really even in a sorority? TSM.

Your best friends knowing exactly who you’re talking about when you say “Ugh, I hate everyone.” TSM.

When the neon comes out, the standards come off. TSM.

A glass of wine a day keeps the boring away. TSM.

Don’t plan a mixer they’ll never forget. Plan one they’ll never remember. TSM.