33. You got so drunk that you misspelled “substitute” and “skanky.” The latter of which I can’t believe you haven’t entered into your spellcheck dictionary.
This one’s easy. Take the makeup off is you’re hooking up at your place; leave it on if you’re hooking up at his place. Let his ruined sheets remind him of the dignity that you left behind. Plus he might call you later to go down to Target with him and pick up some new sheets since there’s no way he will tell his mom that his sheets were ruined when he banged that blue monkey girl from Avatar.
But seriously, guys don’t mind being Friend Zoned if it’s sincere. What we don’t like is when friendship is offered as a consolation prize, as in “Thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts for you.”
Definitely retire the group costumes; they work only if the girls spend all night standing together. You have any idea how difficult it is to hook up with One Blind Mouse when the other two are standing there saying “OMG Natalie you can’t hook up with him you have to stand here with us all night or no one will understand our costumes!” And the Minions, separately, aren’t Minions, they’re just nerdy sluts who think it’s the summer of 1993.
12.The Friday the 13th
Tell him to take off his clothes and get in bed.
Step into the bathroom, then emerge wearing nothing but a hockey mask and carrying an ax.
Silently walk to the bed.
Raise the ax and chop his fucking head off.
Guys will adopt whatever persona they think will get them laid. I once spent a week pretending to be Dan Regester. Wasn’t quite as effective as I had hoped.
Love means never having to say “Yo, bitch, I done bought you a Ferrari now get off my ass about that Becky thing!”
What kind of parents name their kid The Weeknd?
This could have been written by my dog.
If coach had put me in fourth quarter we would’ve been state champions…
The guy from Juno is dating Hermione Granger?
33. You got so drunk that you misspelled “substitute” and “skanky.” The latter of which I can’t believe you haven’t entered into your spellcheck dictionary.
18. Your Dad: Get help. Seriously. From me. I took a Psychology class.
This one’s easy. Take the makeup off is you’re hooking up at your place; leave it on if you’re hooking up at his place. Let his ruined sheets remind him of the dignity that you left behind. Plus he might call you later to go down to Target with him and pick up some new sheets since there’s no way he will tell his mom that his sheets were ruined when he banged that blue monkey girl from Avatar.
OMG I WAS GOING TO BE ‘IT!’ Ok one of us is going to have to get a new costume and it isn’t going to be me, Amanda!
Which I’m not going to do even if it results in destruction of the Universe.
Oh. I read the headline and assumed “Go to the pumpkin patch” was a euphemism for going down on you.
But seriously, guys don’t mind being Friend Zoned if it’s sincere. What we don’t like is when friendship is offered as a consolation prize, as in “Thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts for you.”
That’s *massive* four-inch meat torpedo to you, ma’am.
Is that what a vagina looks like? Damn no wonder I can never get it in on the first try.
Definitely retire the group costumes; they work only if the girls spend all night standing together. You have any idea how difficult it is to hook up with One Blind Mouse when the other two are standing there saying “OMG Natalie you can’t hook up with him you have to stand here with us all night or no one will understand our costumes!” And the Minions, separately, aren’t Minions, they’re just nerdy sluts who think it’s the summer of 1993.
Two words: Graduate School
Do fake beards count? Because I can swing by Walmart and pick one up in the Halloween section…
12.The Friday the 13th
Tell him to take off his clothes and get in bed.
Step into the bathroom, then emerge wearing nothing but a hockey mask and carrying an ax.
Silently walk to the bed.
Raise the ax and chop his fucking head off.
I would never pass up the opportunity to disappoint two girls at the same time.
Guys will adopt whatever persona they think will get them laid. I once spent a week pretending to be Dan Regester. Wasn’t quite as effective as I had hoped.