I thought the one person you loved with all your heart was me, Rachel. What am I supposed to tell my parents at Thanksgiving dinner? That I got TurkeyDumped for Jim from The Office? I always pictured you as a somewhat hotter version of Pam, with the top button undone and a predilection for sneaking off to the warehouse to meet me in an alcove of paper boxes. Does saying “predilection” make you hot?
Thanksgiving marks the end of relationships (#TurkeyDump2k17). Christmas marks the beginning of relationships (the birth of our Lord and Savior by the Virgin Mary and/or going to a party in your tightest little black dress and letting your ex know by how close you are dancing to that ripped CrossFit instructor that you are definitely not a virgin anymore). New Years is for resolving that you will no longer date douchebag CrossFit instructors.
6. You know that cute gingham top that you’ve had your eye on? Buy it two sizes larger than you wear and give it to that oversized friend who never learned how to do laundry as an unexpected Christmas gift. After she puts it through the dryer and it shrinks to your size, she’ll give it back to you just in time for you to wear it on Spring Break. You get the top AND points for thinking about your friends at Christmas.
You need to have a big wedding so that your aMAZing friends can hook up with his idiot friends and then spend the next year complaining about how they can’t come to any parties at your place “because I’ll run into that douchebag that I hooked up with at your wedding.”
I read 50 Shades of Grey because I wanted to learn What Women Want. I learned that women really like nice looking young billionaires who fly around in their own helicopters and they’ll put up with a lot of shit to get one. Which I sort of already suspected.
The popularity of American Girl dolls in the 90s has contributed to the current rise of Nationalism so thanks, Rachel. And I’m surprised you didn’t want Kit since Kit was a writer.
I thought the one person you loved with all your heart was me, Rachel. What am I supposed to tell my parents at Thanksgiving dinner? That I got TurkeyDumped for Jim from The Office? I always pictured you as a somewhat hotter version of Pam, with the top button undone and a predilection for sneaking off to the warehouse to meet me in an alcove of paper boxes. Does saying “predilection” make you hot?
7. The Specator: Just lay there and watch me beat off.
If a man ever pulls out his wand and says, “Hi, my name is Brian. Wanna cast some spells?” it’ll be a hard pass for me, thanks.
Thanksgiving marks the end of relationships (#TurkeyDump2k17). Christmas marks the beginning of relationships (the birth of our Lord and Savior by the Virgin Mary and/or going to a party in your tightest little black dress and letting your ex know by how close you are dancing to that ripped CrossFit instructor that you are definitely not a virgin anymore). New Years is for resolving that you will no longer date douchebag CrossFit instructors.
6. You know that cute gingham top that you’ve had your eye on? Buy it two sizes larger than you wear and give it to that oversized friend who never learned how to do laundry as an unexpected Christmas gift. After she puts it through the dryer and it shrinks to your size, she’ll give it back to you just in time for you to wear it on Spring Break. You get the top AND points for thinking about your friends at Christmas.
Should be easy to find me there. I’ll be the one wearing the “Back to Back World War Champs” t-shirt.
If I ever meet a girl who knows how to correctly apply primer, I’ll propose immediately.
If I could have one superpower, it would be to take on the appearance of a woman’s daddy.
I really have nothing intelligent or witty to say here, but I feel that I should comment just to keep up appearances.
You need to have a big wedding so that your aMAZing friends can hook up with his idiot friends and then spend the next year complaining about how they can’t come to any parties at your place “because I’ll run into that douchebag that I hooked up with at your wedding.”
Yes, you made out with him. We all saw you doing it and we posted pictures of it on Facebook.
Apple Store employees are allowed to have sex only with other Apple Store employees. Which the rest of the human population is completely fine with.
I want all of these same things, but at my funeral.
Going commando takes the Shart to a whole ‘nother level of adventure.
Han shot first
I’m not going to start eating until after I get Turkey Dumped.
#TurkeyDump2k17
I read 50 Shades of Grey because I wanted to learn What Women Want. I learned that women really like nice looking young billionaires who fly around in their own helicopters and they’ll put up with a lot of shit to get one. Which I sort of already suspected.
*brake
The popularity of American Girl dolls in the 90s has contributed to the current rise of Nationalism so thanks, Rachel. And I’m surprised you didn’t want Kit since Kit was a writer.
I’ve always suspected that JLaw was a Dementor walking amongst us and this confirms it.